Thank you for taking the time to talk with me. I can’t tell you how excited I am to be chatting with you. I’d love to start at the beginning. What attracted you to the adult business?
Well, at the very beginning I think it was driven a lot by financial struggles. My husband was working 3 jobs at the time and we were barely making ends meet. A guy I met through swinging told me I could be making some good money doing what I was pretty much already doing – having fun with strangers. I wanted to contribute to the household income, so decided to give it a shot. It wasn’t exactly the way I had in my head – cheap hotels, quick but easy money, and while it was fun it just didn’t seem like what I wanted it to be. I had fantasies of being used by strangers, but this wasn’t quite right in my head. After some research using the old AOL chat rooms and talking to a woman from Chicago, I started to figure things out.
I had a small website put together, and before too long added a small photo gallery with hardcore pics I took at home that started bringing in a couple hundred dollars a month. It wasn’t much, but it bought groceries! Once that happened, my clientele got better and so did my rates. I started bringing in some actual good money, and a DVD producer from Chicago contacted me and asked if I ever considered doing porn. I’ve always been a try anything once kind of girl, and so after some discussions on what would happen if anyone found it, we set up a day to do it. At that time it was the most money I had ever made for a couple hours of time, and it was soooo much fun!
I had no idea where it would go, and figured it was just a one time thing, but here I am over 20 years later still doing new scenes!
I appreciate the honesty, and it’s one of the reasons I wanted to talk with you. You and I share similar beginnings. I did some very low level street work when I was 18. I was kicked out of my house, and did what I had to do to get by. Honestly, I was a natural because I feel like I’m broken. Sex isn’t anything important or special to me. It’s just a thing you do.
I completely understand. During my teenage years I had some rough and even violent sexual experiences, even being drugged and raped, so sex became just a thing to do, not necessarily something that meant anything to me. I didn’t need a connection for it, so going into sexwork didn’t really affect me. It’s been a thrill to discover through time that the adult industry has given me that power back. I get to make the rules and have control of my scenes and that has been very therapeutic for me. I’ve had some tough moments within the industry as well, but I have gotten through them and come out better for it every time. I’ve used my experiences to try to help newcomers avoid some of the things I went through.
How has it affected relationships? On paper, a lot of men “think” they would like a woman that is just down for whatever, whenever, but over time I think it wears on them. I’m not good with intimacy in the romantic sense. I don’t cuddle. I don’t kiss. I don’t get the point of foreplay. Just put it in whichever hole you want and do your thing until you finish. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy sex. I do… but I definitely don’t get the passion like they show in the Hollywood movies.
There’s really only one person that has brought out real intimacy for me and I’m lucky I met him when I was young. We’ve now been together for 32 years, and even though we have an open lifestyle and relationships, I’ve struggled to keep any other relationship around. I just can’t seem to find a connection – women are easier than men, but those relationships all seem to fade with time too. My husband has been so good to me, and has embraced Amber fully – not saying things have always been perfect by any means, all relationships have rough times, but he loves this side of me as much as his wife who is at home every night. He’s really good about knowing when I crave cuddles and intimacy, and when I need to just have my space. Even our sexual relationship is a bit lacking in intimacy……. we don’t make love, we fuck – it’s intense and raw and passionate, but it’s rarely romantic. Honestly he’s much more of a cuddler than I am, I’ve always said I treat sex more like the dude than he does. About the only time I get cuddly is if I am super tired or not feeling well, and then I just want to feel safe and protected.
Your husband sounds wonderful, and from what little I know of him just from us chatting, I can tell he’s one of the good ones. I’m happy for you.
So, let’s transition. Did you leave the escorting work behind when you got into adult the business or were you still doing it on the side here and there?
I actually loved escorting – I made so many good connections with some really wonderful men, some who are still friends today. I kept doing it through a lot of my film work, only really leaving that behind when I went into retirement in 2009. I had found out that most porn stars actually made more money through escorting than the film work, so I found that rates got better, clientele moved into a different class, and they gave me a different level of respect being in the porn business. I also found lifetime friends through escorting with other ladies and loved how the women stuck together to keep each other safe. I made a little comeback to escorting a few years back just because I missed it, but I’ve found I just don’t have the time to do it the way I want, so it’s gone on the back burner. It doesn’t feel the same as it used to be – maybe because I’m older and can’t connect, but it feels like a different world. Getting reference checks is harder, the clients aren’t as willing to even give provider references as a screening option, so I don’t feel as safe as I once did.
I was never as much an “escort” as I was a “hooker”. There’s no references or respect on the street. Well, there’s wasn’t where I was and when I did it. I’d ask random men walking by if they wanted to get sucked off. Plus, my pimp was a real scumbag. No shocker there, I guess. He never physically abused me but he was just a scum bag who’d steal my money. Again, no shocker. A pimp taking money from the bitches? Who would have thought that?!?
I wasn’t in the game around the time you mentioned, but my boyfriend is a bit older than me. He tells me stories of “back in the day” when being an escort while doing porn was publicly frowned upon and a dirty little secret. I’m glad it’s not like that today for the women who choose to do it.
From what I remember it wasn’t frowned upon back then, but that’s the people I hung out with too. I was never the high end porn star type because I didn’t have that type of body, so maybe it was worse for the mainstream girls than it was for me. I am definitely happier that the women who are involved have more resources today to have control over their own business. I’m sorry you had to go through that, I probably would have wound up in the same situation as you if I had different people around me, or lived in more of a city where it was more common. I know I was one of the lucky ones who got to do a lot on my own terms because I had a good support system. I had a lot of offers to work for agencies and things, but I just never felt safe going that route. I even had offers to go to some of the Nevada brothels, but I’m not a hustler in that way – I wanted men to choose me because they wanted me, not because I had to convince them out of a lineup. It’s also why I never tried strip clubs – I respect those women like crazy because that’s an insane amount of work to try to get men to spend money!
Tell me about your entry into actual porn. Did you have an agent or were you doing self booking? What kind of shoots were you doing? Did you enjoy being on camera?
I pretty much was self booking and did a lot of my own content trying to run my own website, but I had some good people help me along the way find opportunities. Through a swinger website someone contacted me who was almost obsessed with bog boobs and told me about a content party they knew about in New Jersey for the editor of Gent magazine, so I sent an email and got invited, and while i was there I did my first ever professional photo shoot and did a bunch of content with people and met a whole lot of people, some of who I still talk to today! It also led to me getting my big break as the “Hardcore Columnist” for the magazine about a year later and that opened so many doors for me. I tried to do a variety of shoots and to keep things very “real” so I did a lot of shoots with fans and regular people. I was kind of a do everything girl of hardcore content – I did shoots at glory holes, a biker rally, with men, women, groups, a hardcore recap of the things I did at AVN, and I had all holes open. I had such a good time being in front of the camera! It’s still one of my biggest kinks is being on camera, to the point where I would rather fuck on camera than off.
It sounds like an amazing time! Earlier on, you mentioned an early retirement. What made you decide to call it quits back then and what lit the fire to get things going again? How long was the hiatus?
There were a couple major events that led to my retirement that happened in 2009. The first one was getting assaulted on set by the producer of one of my first true pro shoots that gave me my first ever STI. He locked me in a room with him and wouldn’t let me out until I got him off. Back then even the other girls just told me that’s just the way it was and he didn’t mean anything by it and it was part of getting scenes. It really sucked because it wound up being one of my favorite scenes I’ve ever shot – the male talent was soooooo sweet and we had such a good time, but it’s hard to think of the scene without thinking about the assault.
The second major thing was stalkers started finding me, some at fan conventions and events, which I get people get excited to actually see their favorite stars, but the one that scared me was in my small home town’s Kmart when I was with my kids. We were doing back to school supply shooing and they were preteen girls, and this guy kept yelling “Amber” from across the store at me and following us around. They asked me who Amber was because it was clear he was trying to get my attention because the store was about empty. I used it as a teaching moment for them and just said when someone is acting crazy you just ditch your cart, leave the store, and ask for help if you feel unsafe.
Right around that time my kids were getting into middle school and they were doing a lot of activities, so it was making it difficult to meet monthly deadlines for the magazine, and travel was getting harder. We then had a talk about how if I was getting recognized that close to home that we were risking our kids’ small town high school experience – it wasn’t just us we had to worry about. It just added up to feeling like the right thing to do was to step away. Not being Amber was really hard on me. I missed who I was, and it felt like I just wasn’t me anymore, but it was worth it to keep my kids safe.
Eventually I lost my entire social circle because my real friends were all porn people, and we turned back to swinging and doing random adult theater visits for the thrills. Then something strange happened and guys started saying they recognized me. I figured it was just because I was going to the same places, but they said it was more than that and it turned out these young men were still seeing my porn 15 years after I retired! All of a sudden I got that twinge of what being Amber Foxxx was all about. I started playing around on some of the new platforms just for fun. Also by this time the kids were adults and had come to me saying they knew about Amber and that they loved me and wanted me to be happy and be who I am. It’s really just in the last 6 months that I’ve seriously reentered the adult industry!
Whoa! That’s quite the story. That’s enough to keep most women away from the industry for good.
So, now that you’re back… is this a full time thing for you, or do you dip your toes in it when the feeling hits? What major changes, as a performer & content creator, have you noticed today that’s different from before? Do you feel the industry moved in a positive direction?
It’s become a full time thing without really even planning for it to be full time! I went to a content house in March where I met some amazing people, and all of a sudden I’m off and running again. Since then I’ve done content in Chicago during Exxxotica, Tampa, Puerto Rico, LA during the UrbanX show, Michigan, Nashville, and hosted my own content house in Chicago. I can’t imagine being any more full time than that! I’m even starting my own production company, Foxxx Films! It certainly wouldn’t be possible without all my people at Squad House who’ve really helped guide me 💕 I’m even sponsoring and cohosting one of their big content houses in Chicago next summer!
I feel like I’ve seen a bunch of positive movement in the industry for women to have control over their own content so they can earn the residuals into their own retirement years. The scenes I shot for pro companies almost 20 years ago are still being re-released as of just a few years ago. I got paid $500 to do those scenes. Now I see the value in owning my own content and finding ways to generate the income myself. The big companies still have their place with huge followings, of course, but women have so much more control these days. I’d also say that social media has been so helpful in getting the word out between talents to call out the predatory behaviors and bad actions within the industry. It’s essential for new women in the industry to do their research and find out who to avoid within the industry. Don’t be afraid to ask questions!
What advice would you give a female looking to enter the adult business today? What pitfalls would you warn her? There’s no real class someone can take to get into this so all we have is our instinct and experiences of those before us.
The first thing I always ask is if they are ok with their family, friends, and job finding out. It’s just a very real risk that we all take, and the internet is forever. I got outed in our small town 10 years after retiring when I wasn’t at all active, thankfully after the kids graduated (and already knew) so it could have been worse. The nasty little mean girl even tried to get a reaction from our daughter by saying how sorry she was but our daughter just said “I think it’s awesome, I had an amazing childhood and couldn’t ask for better parents” 🥰
Make sure you’re always holding your head high, avoid toxic relationships with predatory people who want to skim off your success. Be proud of who you are and what you do – sex work is real work and needs to be treated as such. Trolls will be trolls and it’s best to ignore them. They tend to be the people miserable with their own lives and only get happiness from being cruel to others.
As for within the industry, this isn’t a get rich quick business. It takes time and work and effort to build a brand and business. It’s possible to hit it big early, but even then it takes a lot of time to have sustained success. If you’re getting into sex work because you’re desperate and you’re behind on bills, do something else. You’ve got to love this business for being in it or it can tear you apart from the inside.
I also think researching the business side is important – own your own content so you can make money off of it long after you’ve retired. Absolutely work for other companies as well, get your name out there and make the per scene money too, but in the long run, have control of your own business. Look into who’s contacting you to shoot with them. There are companies and content that may not fit your brand – don’t work with just anyone who asks.
Try new things, diversify your content, do all the things you enjoy. Build a brand, but don’t be afraid to be creative!
Forgive yourself when mistakes or something bad happens, because something probably will at some point. Always remember your consent is the most important part of a scene and if someone breaks that consent it’s on them, not on you. Stand up for yourself and call out bad faith actors, and listen to other creators when they’ve had a negative experience. Anyone can make a mistake once, but when patterns emerge, pay attention to them.
Finally, and maybe most importantly, build yourself a support team of trusted people who have your best interests in mind. That includes people both inside and outside the industry. Other performers, family members, producers, and long time friends can all be important parts of that group who can help you stay safe and grounded.
When you strip away the sex business and the “Amber Foxxx” persona, who is left? What makes you happy? What are your hobbies? What do you do for fun when you’re not being Amber Foxxx?
I have a really healthy family life and spend a lot of time with my kids and their spouses, my husband and I travel and try to see as much of the world as we can – last year we finished our quest to visit all 50 states with an Alaskan cruise.
I do a lot of crafting – I’m actually making custom vampire gloves for bdsm play these days and they have been a big hit! I also love sewing and making some of my own costuming when I have the time. Last year I sewed trick or treat bags for our hometown and handed out a bunch of those that included not just candy, but also a box of Mac and cheese to every kid who came to the house. In these times I like to make sure that, just in case, kids get a meal from Halloween along with their treats.
I also like going to the movie theater, mostly for the popcorn, but I love movies too. I binge watch my favorite shows – right now I’ve already almost finished the current season of Reacher.
Halloween is my favorite season, and I’m always looking for the newest horror movie. Hubby also just took me to Disney World for their big holiday party – I’m a Disney adult 🙈 We’ve had annual passes in the past when we have the time – that’s where we went for our honeymoon 30 years ago this year!
I’m always looking for my next adventure. Life is short and I try to get as much out of it as I can. Everyone should have a bucket list, and when you finish the list, get yourself a bigger bucket 💕
I want to sincerely thank you for taking the time to answer my question. I appreciate your candor. To end, I would like to give you the floor for any final comments. If there’s anything you want to say about anything, please, feel free. ❤️
The first thing I want to do is send love to all my fans, especially those who stuck with me and found me again after my long absence. You all make this so rewarding for me and I still love showing off for you all! I’ve so enjoyed being involved again and I can’t wait to see where this all goes!
I’m very excited to not just be performing, but to being on the production side with Foxxx Films where I will be focused on bringing very raw and real content to the industry, as well as Foxxx fetish that’s already available with impact play, bdsm negotiations, the Amber Foxxx Wrestling League, and so much more to come!
I have a deep love for all my friends and fellow performers, content creators, and producers that I work with that I can’t begin to name them all, and they all mean the world to me. This community has so much to offer and I’m thankful every day that I get to be a part of it.
Thank you for having me and all your insightful questions, I appreciate the opportunity to share my story with you, and hopefully bring some useful information to other people!
Amber Foxxx Links
